HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

Written By Monday, January 21, 2008 64 , , Permalink 0

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washingtonchemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

  • john

    brilliant.

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  • _

    Your banner makes small children cry.

  • jim

    Change it? Perhaps not… but they sure can create a “Living Hell” – and for that, they have to be given SOME points (though I hope they are negative!).

    btw… I want the tart in the car ad! I’ll branding iron that check mark on her butt cheeks!
    (ok…OK! I’ll use a marker! What’s with you people anyway?!?)

  • Les Nessman

    I found that to be a well thought out answer. A+. Now straighten your pocket protector and get back to work.

  • Leighann

    haha please! Where’s your sense of humor?

    No matter how old this is, it’s still funny the first time you read it.

    Quit ruining it bastards.

  • Deshe

    Weird,
    More then 5 years ago there was an identical post in Bash.org, only that in the end the remarkable students confessed that Teresa never let him lay a finger on her which is way hell is endothermic.
    More then that, the last part about the existence of god is an addendum which didn’t belong in the original post.
    I liked the original version better.

  • Alex B

    umm you’re a bullshit artist. First of all an IQ of 137 is quite high, only 3 points from “Genius” level. So I don’t know what you’re talking about “only 137″… Second, if you really are that smart then why bother announcing what you are working on and what you’re IQ is anyway? If you really were so sure of yourself you wouldn’t have the need to try to prove it to us. And if you were making such great accomplishments and you were secure with your abilities once again you wouldn’t be here announcing it to us. So, I think I speak for everyone when I say: Shut The Fuck Up!…

    With that said I thought this was pretty clever and funny. It seems a bit lengthy though to be finished just as a bonus question for a test. Who cares if its real its funny.

  • Kostas N

    I agree that this is really funny, regardless of the origin ^^

    Still I’d argue about the 140 IQ being a genius. Mine is also 137 and I really don’t feel like a genius or anything *wonders*

  • Big Al

    Got to be a bogus response. What person with a 137 IQ would be reading this blog?! 37, maybe.

  • http://www.dueysdrawings.com/ Realistic Pencil Drawings

    Interesting. I’ve never seen this before :)

  • toufuslayer@yahoo.com

    LOL!
    hilarious!

  • Dohnut

    WTF!!!! lol.. why did you just talk to yourself on your own comment? and it had nothing to do with this post.

    Anyways… it was kinda funny to read.

  • Dohnut

    Good question

  • Dohnut

    same here.. i thought it was pretty funny. but all these people like to ruin this kinda stuff. which kinda sux.

  • http://jeffkee.com rucrazy

    Amen brother
    can I get another “shut the fuck up”

  • Ben

    Originally written in 1920, continued on to prove that heaven was hotter than hell.

  • Mohammed

    What the hell is wrong with chemistry is that the rules of hell are hellish not the same as our world just as the gravitation on the moon is different to the gravitation of our earth.

    A single drop of water from hell if mixed in the waters of our world would poison it forever and no living thing could ever be born or survive.

    Similarly if a small handful of stone of fire be allowed to penetrate our world, our world will be fired out once and for all and seize to exist any more.

    These and many such facts have been revealed by Our Last Holy Prophet of ALLAH THE ALLMIGHTY sent unto all mankind and the universe.

    So protect yourself and all mankind from Hell fire. That is the goal or essense of all knowledge, and destiny of all sciences, including chemistry.

    MdShafiqM
    India

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  • Lorri

    Why can’t we just play nice? Yes I know this is a really late reply for those of u who try to make yourself feel better by trying to appear smarter than the rest by looking up joke dates n putting others down.